People say dating after 45 is hard.
I wouldn’t know, I didn’t try again until I was 50.
I didn’t put myself out there because the word “separation” sounds like, “dating shall be paused until I forget the mechanics of dating and I’m a virgin again.” Whatever, right now, I qualify to be a nun.
This summer, I met a guy. I prefer to say we met at the park. Then, I went to a speed dating event. I should mention by this time, the guy and I had already parted ways.
Speed dating, hosted by 15 First Dates.
The event was meant for 45-to-55 year olds. I was the youngest woman, and the other women obeyed the rules though one women admitted she was 58. What’s one year?
However, the men were ages 43-to-63.
Sometimes the demographic is the draw to the event. Some people are attracted to younger women and men. However, this was a bait and switch.
The first disappointment, the nametags. When I walked into the venue, I thought I’d receive a cool nametag, like they stated on the website, just like they stated the event was for 45-to-55 year olds.
They gave me a page of address labels, told me to write my name and put it somewhere on my shirt. This wasn’t a cool laminated nametag with, “Tammy” and the 15 First Dates logo. This is a missed free marketing opportunity. People, mainly women, post photos from events they’ve been to. Cool laminated nametags could’ve been on Instagram, Threads, Facebook. Think marketing, not saving money.
Then the atmosphere. There wasn’t one. It wasn’t jubilant like the videos on their website, where the room is packed, wall to wall. It was like walking into a party that already ended.
I sat at a picnic table, and there was a small piece of paper with a number. Not a standing reusable plastic card. A jagged paper that would be tossed in the garbage after the event. Much like my nametag. Are my standards too high? Am I expecting too much? If I’m asking that question, the answer is hell no.
The host mumbled into a microphone for about two minutes. It wasn’t that she was a mumbler, but the mic was so loud, no one could understand her except, “Have fun.” At least, I think that’s what she said.
Then the five-minute conversations began. Once we figured the rules ourselves. Mass confusion.
When an event is called 15 First Dates and their website states, “How about 15 of them,” eluding to dates, you expect 15 guys. A 15:15 ratio.
There were eight men, 12 women, and 21 participants. Because they included a person who dropped out. A few women commented that the event should’ve been cancelled.
The five-minute conversations weren’t timed. They were estimated. One guy actually turned his watch over. I felt like saying, “Not feeling it either, eh?” but I don’t say, “eh?” Some conversations ran seven or eight minutes. Others, the real five minute conversations, felt like they were moving like molasses on the back of a turtle who was downhill skiing without skis.
Then, there was another mumbled announcement. Everyone would talk to the guys again. Since they were short on men. Oh, good. 15 First Dates noticed too.
But, I’d only spoken to seven guys, there was one waiting. We actually hit it off and continued talking for about 20 minutes after the event finished. But he kept looking up, as though he was keeping his eye on someone else.
When you sign up for speed dating, there isn’t a disclaimer, “And I shall, in accordance under the laws of 15 First Dates, only date one person until the courtship dissolves and then be allowed to attend another event run by said company.”
The guy and I set a date to meet for coffee, but construction season and Shell gas station interfered. I pulled into a parking lot to text him and let him know. Beside, by then my gut said leave this one alone.
When you match with someone, 15 First Dates states you can message your match for free. They don’t say, “Oh, we limit the texts though and won’t tell you that part until it’s too late.” Like, five or six messages too late. The system locks up and you have to pay in order to make plans to meet. 15FirstDates denies this is true. As a former attendee, I know it’s true.
One other issue with 15 First Dates, they usually offer men half-price admission, while women pay full price. It’s possible they’ve cracked the logic.
They know some women are tired of online dating and want to meet someone in-person and have a real conversation. As real as you can in five minutes. While men would rather invest the cost of a speed date event on another week or month on Hinge or Bumble, and/or online date for free on Facebook dating.
This isn’t justifying 15 First Dates for making women pay double the amount they charge men. It’s a business strategy. However, it doesn’t seem to work either.
But back to the start. The event was said 45-to-55 years old, plus or minus two years. Pending attendees deserve a heads up that the event has expanded the age range.
While I wasn’t pleased with 15 First Dates, I don’t regret trying speed dating. It was a new experience and completely out of my comfort zone.
I’m tried of hearing, “There’s not much out there,” and “It’s harder to date when you’re older.” When I moved to Winnipeg, someone said, “I won’t want to be out there now.” People make dating sound like it’s a dreaded adventure where only the brave should dare to enter.
What’s the alternative? Stay at home and wait for the next season of Virgin River? It’s not being released until mid-2027.
Maybe I’ll try another speed date – different organizers though. Maybe I’ll meet someone in a grocery store. What I don’t want is to be judged for my decision to date again.
Because it’s been far from a speed date.
